Children and Anxiety

When a child is exhibiting signs of anxiety, it is time to begin teaching simple tools to help them gain the confidence they need. Begin with a "breathing game." Ask your child to sit comfortably, relax and little, and maybe toss out the memory of a vacation or a birthday or a Christmas that you know your child is particularly fond of. Ask your child to breathe deeply, and even show them where that breath should come from. Many children believe that we breathe from the "chest," where they have been shown pictures of the lungs. Teach your child that "good" breathing is much lower than that. The diaphragm and the lower back. Teach them to "breathe low," imaging that breath going deep into the stomach as opposed to the chest area. Tell them that they can "breath low" before a test, or a try out or even during their homework sessions. Have them show you on their stomach just where the "breath" should go. And then ask your child to practice this for a few minutes. Correct breathing is often something that is not taught until adult hood, and many of the "frightening" experiences a child or teen has, can be helped by the simple act of correct breathing. (And you may find the reminder helpful for yourself as well.)

Teach your child how to relax. Perhaps your child suffers from "Test Anxiety." Take the time to teach them how to relax their muscles. Just what it means to let everything "drop," so that they can focus and concentrate. If your child is "bound up," point it out and show them the difference between tensed muscles and relaxed ones. You can even make a game of this: Tense the muscles hard, "relax," let them go. Tense the muscles hard, "relax," and let them go again. Children, being open to suggestion, like the idea of sand spilling out of a bag, or mud slowly moving downstream. Connect something "slow" with the idea of "relaxation," and teach your child to "play" this game before heading into a test or meeting new people.

If your child is exhibiting extreme symptoms of anxiety, you must begin by asking critical questions, and listening without judgment. If your child says something that startles or worries you, do not reveal your own anxiety. Stay calm, talk it out, and decide if your child would benefit from some talk therapy with a counselor. The point is to listen, and not create more anxiety around the issue. Your child may be holding onto something that is growing out of perspective. Something that a simple discussion can "dispel," and take care of. If you think, however, that the signs are extreme, then seek out the right counselor for your child. Support your child as they try to confront the things they are afraid of, and reward them with love each time you see growth.

No child deserves to suffer from even the slightest anxiety, but the reality of life and homework and schedules seems to grow with each passing year. Teach your child the tools now, teach them to calm themselves, and they will use these tools for a lifetime.

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